The transcript for Family Feud.


Lisa and Hugh were in their room reading.

From the living room, Lisa and Hugh could hear screaming from Hugh Jr and Alicia.

Hugh Jr: I called the TV! I wanted to watch the science channel's biography of Albert Einstein!

Alicia: Well I wanted to use the TV to watch Insatiable on Netflix! You know I love that show!

Hugh Jr: Just watch it through your phone!

Alicia: NO! I want to watch it on the big screen and pretend that I'm at the movies! MOM!

Hugh Jr: DAD!

Lisa rolled her eyes.

She entered the living room.

Lisa: Maybe there's a way you two can compromise.

Hugh shortly entered.

Hugh: Yeah. Perhaps Alicia can watch ONE episode of Insatiable first, then Hugh Jr watches his biography after.

Lisa: Uh...or Hugh Jr can watch his thing first, you know. I've already SEEN all the Insatiable episodes since I was Alicia's age!

Hugh Jr: Okay. I'm watching MY thing first. Outta the way, Alicia.

Alicia grumbled and stomped off to her room.

Moments later, Lisa got a phone call from Lincoln.

Lisa answered it.

Lisa: What do you want? My kids are in the middle of their first big fight! I don't know what to do!

Lincoln (on other line): Whatever. Ya see, you NEED to go to Lola's place.

Lisa: And WHY would I want to do THAT?

Lincoln (on other line): Lola's been spreading rumors. About you. About me. About ALL our siblings.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

Lisa: So? Best thing to do. Tune the brat out.

Lincoln (on other line): Well, Lola's attacking your moral compass. She said you are so heartless that you ditched her on her 7th birthday.

Lisa: Ugh. She KNOWS I went to Darcy's house to help her celebrate JENNI'S birthday on the weekend after Lola's!

Lincoln (on other line): I know. But Lola was expecting you to help her with her reading homework so she can have fun on her birthday. Mom made Lola read the first 5 chapters of Charlotte's Web for her school project.

Lisa: Oh, give me a break!

Lincoln (on other line): Well, also she might have told everyone what you did to everyone else. And then she spilled the secrets of our other siblings, including myself.

Lisa: Wow. I'll be there. So I can set Lola straight!

Hugh: Uhhh, Lisa...Hugh Jr and Alicia?

Lisa: Yeah? Just tell them to work things out, okay? As for me, I'm going to war with MY siblings.

Hugh: War? Really? Don't you want to set an example for your kids?

Lisa: Maybe. But Lola's gossiping again and I need to stop her!

Lisa left.

Moments later, she headed over to Lola's mansion.

She sat on the couch next to Lincoln.

Lisa: Okay, Lincoln. I'm here. Lola better watch out.

Lola came into the living room.

Lisa: Lola, you've crossed the line!

Lynn: YEAH!

Luna: This sibling rivalry's gone too far! Let's just relax and chill with some jams!

Lana: NO! Lola crossed the line!

Lola: Well...Luna, you might just want me to reveal how you ruined Luan's clown outfit to make some rock threads. Or-

Luna: Why you little-

Luan: I can't believe you did that, Luna!

Lola: And now we all know what happened to Lily's baby blankie she LOVED and CHERISHED. LISA shredded it!

Lisa: I did not!

Lola: Admit it!

Lisa: OKAY! Fine! I did!

Lily: Wow. Of course, I would've outgrown it at 5 years old anyways. So Lisa, I thank you.

Lincoln: WHY are you THANKING her? She ruined your blankie!

Lola: Of course, Lisa's sabotaged LINCOLN before, too. Lisa, tell him.

Lisa: I have nothing to say.

Lola: Really? You don't have anything to say about how you split up Lincoln and Clyde's friendship, or how you destroyed his limited-edition Ace Savvy comic book, or how you shredded up Bun-Bun?

Lincoln: LISA!

Lisa: I didn't do any of that! I promise!

Lola: LIES! You ALWAYS lie, Lisa! The reason those lie detecting glasses you invented saying WE all lied was YOU programming them to do that, yet it removed ALL the lies YOU'VE told!

Lisa: Nonsense. I observed that every one of you kept lying to Mom and Dad, so I had to take action.

Lucy: Does it really explain what happened to my great grandma Harriet photos? I've been looking for them for years.

Lola: Lisa shredded them!

Lisa rolled her eyes.

Lisa: REALLY? I thought Lucy knew about this.

Lucy: Grr, Lisa...I have ways of punishing you that are beyond this realm.

Lisa: If you're talking about the underworld, no such place exists.

Lucy: Sigh.

Meanwhile, back at Lisa's house...

Hugh Jr and Alicia were still fighting.

Alicia: Hugh Jr! I can NOT believe you! I didn't even get to see what happened to Patty Bladell and her relationship with Brick Armstrong in Insatiable!

Hugh Jr rolled his eyes.

Hugh Jr: You can see the dang show NOW! I'm done with that documentary. Quite frankly, it bored me since I know everything about Albert Einstein already.

Alicia: But why'd you even wanna watch it in the first place!?

Hugh Jr smirked.

Hugh Jr: Cause I wanted to drive you crazy.

Alicia: Ugh. Why...why...DAD!

Hugh came rushing in.

Hugh (exhausted): What is it now?

Alicia: I could have seen Insatiable ALL THIS TIME! Hugh Jr just told me that he didn't even WANT to see his dumb Einstein documentary!

Hugh Jr: No! I just wanted to see what Einstein said about physics! That's all.

Alicia: But Hugh Jr also said he wanted to see the documentary to drive me crazy!

Hugh Jr: I did say that. And it totally worked.

Alicia growled and lunged towards Hugh Jr.

Hugh pulled her back.

Alicia kept trying to break free.

Alicia: Lemme at him!

Hugh: Violence doesn't solve anything!!

Meanwhile, at Lola's mansion, all the siblings were at each other's throats.

Lisa jumped on Lola's coffee table.


Lola: LISA! That's an expensive coffee table! It costs 60 grand, hello!

Lisa: Shut it, Lola. I'm in the middle of an epiphany.

The other siblings looked confused.

Lisa ignored them.

Lisa: So, it's just unnecessary for us to be fighting like this. Lola was most definitely in the wrong. But if she APOLOGIZES, we can all, well, go our separate ways.

Lola: Oh no! I won't apologize that easily! I-

Lisa rolled her eyes.

Lisa: Clearly Lola doesn't get it. So, one thing we must do instead of being at each other's throats is team up and make Lola see the light.

The other siblings: YEAH!

Lola: Uhhh, hello...I'm standing right here.

Lori: Lisa's literally got a point here. This fight wouldn't have started if Lola kept her big mouth shut.

Lola: Hey!

Lincoln: Yeah. I'm tired of fighting. Let's get outta here.

Lisa: You said it!

The siblings all headed to the door.

Lola: Wait! I'm sorry, okay!

Lisa: You are? Lily, check her temperature.

Lily got out a thermometer.

Lola: No, wait. I really am. I'm sorry for tattling on you, Lisa. I'm sorry for blackmailing everyone to do what I want them to do. I'm sorry for being a bad sister overall. I don't even deserve this nice mansion for how bad I treated you guys.

Lola started to cry.

Lola: The reason I spread all these silly rumors was that I was lonely. I was lonely, okay! Ashley is with her dad this week and I can't bear being alone!

Lisa: You would've been welcome at my place.

Lola: No I wouldn't had. I treat you terribly.

Lisa: Well, I kinda treat you horribly, too. But like I really care.

Lola glared at Lisa.

Lisa: But we all should just hug and make up. That's what we've always done in fights like this growing up.

Lincoln: Lisa's right. Let's hug and make up!

The siblings all hugged.

Lisa: Great. Now I gotta teach Hugh Jr and Alicia the same lesson. Gotta go.

Lisa left.

She headed home.

Hugh Jr and Alicia were still at each other's throats.

Hugh Jr: Well, you're the worst sister in the world!

Alicia: Well, you're the worst BROTHER in the world!

Hugh Jr: I never wanna see your inane face again!

Alicia: Well, I never wanna see your face again either!

Lisa entered.

Hugh was in the living room still exhausted.

Hugh: I have 10 sisters and we never fought anything like this.

Lisa: Well, all MY siblings worked our issues out!

Lisa went to Hugh Jr's room where he was packing a suitcase.

Hugh Jr: I'm moving. Moving far away from Alicia.

Lisa: Moving? Really? You two gotta work this out.

Hugh Jr: No way! She's a little brat! Now where'd I put my physics book?

Lisa rolled her eyes.

Lisa: You should. If you move out, you will no longer have a sister. Sure she'll still exist, but you'd be miserable without her.

Hugh Jr: No I won't!

Lisa: It may seem hard to believe, but years from now, you'll look back on this fight and see how dumb it is.

Hugh Jr: No I won't.

Lisa: Of course, I have NINE sisters, plus one brother. WE'VE always fought as kids and even just today, we all just got out of a big one. If I can do it with 10 siblings, you definitely can make up with Alicia.

Hugh Jr: Okay.

Hugh Jr left his suitcase and left the room.

Hugh Jr went to Alicia's room.

Alicia was lying on her bed, crying.

Hugh Jr: Hey, sis.

Alicia got up suddenly.

Alicia: What do YOU want?

Hugh Jr: I came to make things right with you.

Alicia: did?

Hugh Jr: Yeah. In fact, I can't even remember WHAT we were fighting about.

Hugh Jr giggled.

Alicia giggled.

Alicia: Yeah. Same here. Are we cool?

Hugh Jr: Very.

Hugh Jr and Alicia hugged.

Lisa, who overheard everything by the door, peered in and smiled.