The transcript for The Beauty Queen.


Lisa got an e-mail from Lola about a beauty pageant.

Lisa: Ugh. This goes straight to junk mail.

Later, Lisa got a visit from Lola.

Lisa: Lola, what do you want? I'm about discover the secrets of extraterrestrial life.

Lola: Ew. I wanted to tell you that I'm entering a beauty pageant.

Lisa: And I care because?

Lola: Oh, I thought you would since it's a MOTHER-DAUGHTER beauty pageant.

Lisa: Is that so? So, I bet Ashley will just LOVE that.

Lola: She will. And we'll both win the tiara...and a tour of NASA.

Lisa gasped. She always wanted to go to NASA and show them her greatest space discoveries.

Lola smirked.

Lola: Of course, you wouldn't wanna enter that. It'll probably attract a lot of nerds.

Lisa: Oh yeah? Not only will I enter Alicia and me in it, we'll also win!

Lola: Really?

Lisa: Really! And you'd better watch out, cause I play dirty!

Lola: Well, I play dirtier!

Lola flipped her hair and left.

Lisa grumbled just as Alicia entered the room.

Alicia: What's wrong, Mom?

Lisa: Ah...Lola just gets under my skin.

Alicia: What happened?

Lisa: Lola is obsessed with some dumb mother-daughter beauty pageant. I want us to enter because there's a trip. To NASA. Lola thinks this NASA prize is for nerds, which I don't get since she wants to win. So, how do you feel about entering a beauty pageant with me?

Alicia: A beauty pageant? Really? I don't think so.

Lisa: C'mon, it'll be fun!

Alicia: You know I get horrible stage fright.

Lisa: Well, one thing that MIGHT change your mind is...your friend, Ashley will be competing with Lola.

Alicia: I don't want to compete against Ashley.

Lisa: Why not?

Alicia: Because Ashley's my best friend. I'd hate to compete against her, win, and risk hurting her feelings.

Lisa: You do realize that Ashley IS our competition. And so is your aunt Lola for that matter.

Alicia: If I do it, will you finally get me a new doll?

Lisa: No, if you do it, you'll have that satisfaction of burying Lola.

Alicia: Fine. But only for you.

Lisa (to herself): Yes!

Alicia: But I won't play dirty. I want this to just be a fun thing we do together.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

Lisa: Fine. But I make no promises that I won't play dirty.

The next day, Alicia and Lisa got all dressed for the pageant.

They saw Lola and Ashley in their gowns. Their gowns were pink and puffier than Lisa's and Alicia's.

Lola: If you just want to give up now, Lisa, you can.

Lisa: Never. I came here to end you.

Alicia: Mom, what about just having fun?

Lisa: It'll be more fun crushing that prissy princess.

Ashley: Mom, I'd rather just have fun, too.

Lola: You can have fun after the pageant is over. Let's just eliminate Lisa first.

Ashley: Ugh. Mothers.

Alicia: You're telling me.

Ashley and Alicia sat on the bench in the dressing room.

Lisa came over to Ashley and Alicia.

Lisa: Ashley, why don't you go help your mom with your makeup.

Ashley: Sure.

Ashley went over to Lola.

Lisa: So, I have a plan to ruin Lola's chances of winning. You can either support this mother-daughter team and help me or you can try to stop me. Which you can't.

Alicia: I don't want to hurt anyone. I'd just like to have fun with you.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

Lisa: If you help me, we can go out for ice cream.

Alicia perked up.

Alicia: Ice cream?

Lisa: Yes. Ice cream. You can have any flavor and topping you want. IF you help me destroy the she-beast that is your aunt Lola.

Alicia: Fine. But only because I love ice cream.

Lisa: Perfect. So, what we'll need to do is steal Lola and Ashley's costumes for the talent competition. Also, for that same one, we should destroy the objects they'll use for their talent...ribbons. Since they'll be doing some lame ribbon dance, we should just destroy their ribbon batons and ruin their costumes as well.

Alicia: And it'll work?

Lisa smirked.

Lisa: Of course it'll work!

Alicia: Okay. Let's do it!

Lisa: That's my girl.

Moments later, Lisa put her plan into action.

Alicia grabbed Ashley's costume and ribbon while Lisa grabbed Lola's.

Ashley came out a little later and saw Alicia with her ribbon.

Ashley: Alicia?

Alicia hid the ribbon behind her back.

Alicia: Hey, Ashley. I wish you luck on your ribbon dance.

Ashley: Thanks. Speaking of which...have you seen my ribbon?

Alicia looked nervous.

Alicia: Noooooo...what does it look like?

Ashley: Well, it's pink and glittery and has a big handle on it.

Alicia: Nope. Haven't seen it. Have you checked in the changing room?

Ashley: No. I'll look there.

Ashley headed to the changing room when Lisa entered.

Lisa: So, I see you got Ashley's ribbon. Where's her costume?

Alicia: I have that too. It's under my dress.

Lisa: Fantastic.'d it fit there?

Alicia: You'd be surprised.

Lisa: I already got rid of Lola's dress AND ribbon AND I locked her in her dressing room closet so she can't get to the pageant.

Alicia: What?

Lisa: Yep. Maybe you should lock Ashley in her dressing room. I just saw her enter when I came in.

Alicia: Hmmm...okay.

Alicia locked the door to Ashley's dressing room.

Ashley: Well, I couldn't find my ribbon, but I did find my makeup brush.

Ashley tried opening the door. It was locked.

Ashley: That's strange. Perhaps it's just pageant stress.

Meanwhile, outside of Ashley's dressing room...

Alicia: Ha! I did it! Safe to say, I feel great!

Lisa: See, I told you. You are your mother's daughter, after all. Now we can finally win the pageant.

Moments later, all the contestants lined up on the pageant stage except for Lola and Ashley.

Lindsey Sweetwater, the pageant judge was counting everyone.

Lindsey: Well, we seem to be missing 2 pageant contestants.

Lisa and Alicia smirked to themselves.

Lindsey: But the show must go on. The next round is...TALENTS. And the first runner up for the talent competition is Lola and Ashley Milbourne!

The other pageant judge whispered in Lindsey's ear.

Lindsey: Well then. I guess the second runner up for the talent competition is Lisa and Alicia Lawson. C'mon up girls!

Lisa and Alicia went up and did their talent.

Lisa sang a west coast rap tune about science while Alicia did some ballet plies.

Moments later, the judges tallied up the scores.

Lindsey: Looks like Lisa and Alicia win this round!

Lisa and Alicia high fived.

Lola found her way out of the locked dressing room and rescued Ashley.

Lola: I think I know who locked us in there.

Ashley: Who?

Lola: Lisa and Alicia.

Ashley: Lisa I understand, but Alicia would do no such thing.

Lola: Wanna bet? I heard her say to Lisa that she had already locked the door AND that she stole your ribbon and destroyed your costume.

Ashley: Why...I NEVER! What do I do?

Lola: If they're playing dirty...WE should play dirtier!

Ashley: But what do we do?

Lola: Leave that to me.

Moments later, Lisa was doing her makeup for the next act.

Lola secretly opened Lisa's hair care bag. In it had hair spray. Lola put green food coloring in the hair spray.

Lola (to herself): If Lisa likes green so much, we shall see what she'll think of her hair being green!

Lola chuckled to herself and left.

Lisa opened her hair care bag and got out the hair spray.

She sprayed the spray all through her hair and began teasing it up.

Moments later, Lisa's hair came out looking all green.

Lisa looked in the mirror and screamed.

Alicia came in and saw Lisa's green hair.

Alicia: Wow. What happened here?

Lisa: My hair's ALL GREEN! That's what happened! And I know who did it. LOLA.

Alicia: Really? I think it looks kinda nice.

Lisa: NICE! Last time I checked, having GREEN HAIR doesn't win any pageants.

Alicia: Maybe they'll think it's unique.

Lisa: Psfh. Doubt it.

Moments later, the style competition was next.

Lindsey: This time we got ALL our contestants here! First up, showing their unique style and hair, Lisa and Alicia.

Lisa and Alicia came out both wearing green ensembles. Alicia wore a green dress with matching flats. Lisa had her hair all teased up and wore a green gown.

Moments later, many other contestants showed their style.

Lindsey: And finally, Lola and Ashley in their pretty and pink in the city look.

Lola and Ashley came out both wearing pink. Lola had on a floral pink dress and heels. Ashley wore a pink sweater dress and white flats.

Lindsey: And the winner is...Lisa and Alicia for their unique style!

Many hours later and the pageant was almost over. It was time for the questionnaire.

Lisa secretly shredded up both Ashley and Lola's answers.

Moments later, it was Lola and Ashley's turn to answer the questions.

Lindsey: Question number 1. Lola, what does being a mother mean to you?

Lola: Uh. Uh. It's fun.

Lindsey: Yes. But why is it fun?

Lola: Uh. I had this written down somewhere.

Lindsey: Ugh. Next question. Ashley, what do you like most about your mother?

Ashley: Dang it! I had it. My mom's pretty. Yes. She's pretty and...cute. Is that good?

Lindsey: It's okay, but moving on to our next contestants, Lisa and Alicia.

Lisa and Alicia came out.

Lisa briefly smirked at Lola.

Lindsey: Okay, Lisa. What does being a mother mean to you?

Lisa had her answer memorized.

Lisa: Being a mother is so enriching. You see, I always teach my kids new things they never would have known without me. My mom taught me many things too, but I feel I made more of an impact in my kids' lives.

Lindsey: How sweet! Now Alicia, what do you like most about your mother?

Alicia had her answer memorized too.

Alicia: I love my mother because of her smarts, her love towards me and my brother, and her great advice!

Lindsey: Wow. I'm sensing some love here. I guess it's safe to say...Lisa and Alicia Lawson win the pageant! Congrats girls!

Lindsey handed Lisa and Alicia the tiaras and passes to NASA.

Lola came out looking furious.


Lisa smirked.

Lisa: Well, you did now. Get over it.


Everyone in the pageant hall gasped.

Lisa: Shhh. No I didn't, Lola. I won this pageant fair and square.


Lisa: Really. I'm telling the truth, Lola. I'd never sabotage my sister like that. And especially not in beauty pageants.


Lisa: Nope.

Lisa grabbed Alicia and left.

Alicia: What was that about?

Lisa: Oh...something I like to call Lola failing to accept defeat.